'The Troubles' is the term my family humorously use to refer to a period in our lives when we were left feeling very vulnerable following a friendship which went terribly wrong. Now that peace appears to have broken out at long last, we finally feel able to share our story:
We'd known her since she was 4. She became a family friend and she, along with many others, joined us on various trips, experiences and opportunities while a teenager. We were aware she'd experienced domestic instability and felt sorry for her. In 2015, while in her early 20's, she contacted me for advice and support over several issues. I helped her change Universities, we stored her possessions, and my wife washed her clothes when she said she'd fallen out with her parents. Soon after we'd helped her complete a sponsored half marathon, she asked me to run a full marathon with her. When I told her that I'd recently provided medical care in Iraq for Syrians fleeing persecution, she suggested we use the event to seek sponsorship to support Syrian refugees. I agreed and we were pledged a substantial sum. I told her about some South Sudanese refugees in Kenya whom I had been invited to help. She asked if she could be involved. She said she had always wanted to visit Kenya and that if I bought tickets for us, she would repay me, which she did. I was wary, fearing it could prove a challenge for her, but agreed we may do some good. However, she pulled out shortly before our flight, choosing to go elsewhere on holiday instead. She lost her airfare, and left me in a difficult situation as I'd agreed a detailed schedule with the refugees. I suggested we end our support for her.
She begged me not to end our friendship, and on my return she apologised saying she wished she'd come with me. She asked for another chance, promising she still intended to run the marathon, only to pull out of this too late on. She'd told me of her past mental health issues, so when she asked to join my research team, I discussed her request with her mother and initially declined. I consulted a psychiatrist friend who advised that if I ended contact with her, the outcome might be disastrous given her history. She reapplied to join the team via the University and was accepted after agreeing a funded contract. People who had known her well advised us to be cautious. I agonised over what to do, then told her that I was willing to remain a mentor but uncomfortable staying a friend because of her erratic behaviour. She promised never to harm me or my family but then sent me a series of angry, contradictory messages. At this point I made a big mistake. I stayed in touch with her (and the rest of the team) while working for 6 weeks in Africa, Cambodia and India in late 2017. I wrongly assessed that her risk of harm, if she perceived abandonment, was greater than the risk of her harming us. I unwisely reassured and reasoned with her. We have regretted this ever since but it came from a genuine, albeit it clumsy and ill-advised, attempt to act in what we thought were her best long-term interests.
When I returned home, I found her father had asked to speak to me. I dropped a note through his door outlining events, agreeing to his request. An hour later I was arrested in front of my two youngest children and grandson. I was kept in a cell for four hours before being released at midnight. Police said she and her parents claimed I was harassing them. We were dumbfounded, feeling bewildered and betrayed. Later enquiries revealed that she had forwarded all my messages to the police, including my description of helping to successfully resuscitate a colleague. She'd insinuated to them that this was an example of how I became close to vulnerable young people. She withheld her messages to me and did not tell them that she'd just joined my team or that her father had asked me to talk. It transpired that when the first police force she approached said I had no case to answer, she'd tried a different force.
They said she had demanded my arrest and wanted me prosecuted for harassment. Initially this force believed her but once I shared the correspondence, the truth became evident. She insisted involving the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) who declined to prosecute me and told me they didn't believe her. She then requested a restraining order which we successfully appealed. The Judge said she'd not been honest and that if she'd told the truth, no action would have been necessary. She then involved the General Medical Council (GMC). We were summoned to an interim GMC Hearing in 2018 who felt no action was indicated. Soon afterwards, she came to the African town where she knew I was working with my project team. Luckily I had been tipped off and avoided her. I later learned through friends that she was reported to the local authorities for making inappropriate suggestions to the guides she hired.
Along with her parents, she contacted our friends and various organisations, claiming I'd abused her. She tried to persuade mutual contacts to disown us. This backfired as people rallied to our support, revealing a history of inter-personal conflict of which we were unaware. She compiled a 300-page document which she sent to the GMC in 2019. After the epidemic, in 2022, the GMC asked me to attend a Hearing of the Medical Practitioners Tribunal Service (MPTS). She gave untruthful evidence, claiming we'd not been friends and that she'd never asked for help. She said I'd caused her distress by continuing my contact while away in late 2017. Despite our apologising and demonstrating that she had lied to the GMC and MPTS in her written and verbal statements, I was given a 6-months suspension from practising in the UK. The shock precipitated an arrhythmia in my wife and depression in me. We spent those 6-months working and travelling in Africa, Asia, America and Australia. Several of my patients suffered serious adverse outcomes as a result of my being unavailable for that period as no suitable cover was found. We believe that she and her parents were responsible for an article in a newspaper in which it was claimed that I'd admitted harassing her and had asked her 'to come on holiday' with me. When we proved that these statements were untrue, the newspaper apologised.
During my 6-months away, she approached another police force to make allegations that my family and I were stalking her and contacting her by proxy. These claims were readily disproved. She and her mother contacted the GMC again on my first day back. They said I was orchestrating a campaign against her: that she had seen my wife and I cycling on her street, that our son had sent her a card, and that we had turned her friends against her, none of which were true. She contacted my African Charities and, with her mother, approached a refugee support agency that we have volunteered with for years. She told them that my reason for volunteering was to gain access to vulnerable people. The organisation reported them to the police who investigated the matter in some detail. Police then told me she was now known to 4 different forces. We were asked if we wanted to pursue a harassment charge but we declined, not wanting to harm her prospects after helping her into and at University. We understand the police spoke to them and warned them to stop their behaviour.
However, they approached the GMC again in 2023, apparently asking for immunity from the police, which was refused. This time we were more proactive. We showed the GMC evidence of everything which had happened from the outset to the present time. They admitted that they had been weaponised and said that these claims were unsupported by evidence. We asked the MPTS for a review of the Hearing outcome. The MPTS spent nearly a year thoroughly reviewing all the evidence. In 2024, they finally agreed that they couldn't explain their decision to suspend me. They apologised for their lack of knowledge of the underlying conditions associated with her behaviour. They adjusted their training policy to incorporate these conditions in order to prevent a recurrence. The Royal College of Physicians (RCP) conducted and published an interview with me in which we discussed the GMC referral process and suggested how it might be improved to avoid future miscarriages of justice. The GMC duly reviewed and revised their protocols too, publicly stating that they now recognised that they had been weaponised against doctors. The University also apologised in person for her behaviour. We'd asked them to allow her to complete her degree but they said they would not want her back thereafter. Subsequent to these developments, we have been left in peace.
Every cloud has a silver lining and several shine brightly through: Following my initial visit in July 2017, we subsequently built a school back in South Sudan to support refugees returning from Kenya and improve access to education in that country which has the lowest access to primary school in Africa. We established a rehabilitation centre for street children in Uganda and donated £650 to the Syrian refugee support agency after I completed the marathon myself in September 2017. Additionally, we have established a professional clinical service to support the health care needs of young neurodivergent people in the UK who are often misunderstood and frequently describe feeling unsupported. My team and I have published widely on our work in this area which has recently won national recognition from the RCP. If we had never known her, cared about her and tried to address her issues, despite the troubles that doing so caused us all, we may never have embarked on any of these important initiatives. We remain incredibly grateful for the many loyal friends here and abroad who have helped us to achieve them, despite the challenges we have faced.